15 Tips for Self-Employed Procrastinators

  1. Walk the dog.
    1. Pine forests are best for really long walks. The needles make a springy, well-drained soil which is easy on the joints and never too muddy.
    1. If you opt for the beach, further hours can be spent removing sand from your shoes, socks, dog and (somehow) pillowcases.
  2. That old CosmoGirl tip about melting old lipsticks down into palettes works surprisingly well.
  3. Hedgehogs need around 13cm x 13cm to pass through a garden fence – and the lack of these ‘highways’ is having catastrophic effects on their population. Don’t be part of the problem. Go and check your fence for existing hedgehog holes. Modify if necessary.
  4. Sew deeper pockets into your jeans.
    1. Pro mode: add them to pocketless dresses.
  5. Did you know there are lots of different ways to tie your shoes?
  6. It’s not costly to rent a pressure washer. What colour is your patio really?
  7. Are your reference books organised by subject or by author? Whichever system you use, flip it.
    1. If neither, push this item to high priority;
    1. If both, don’t change a thing.
  8. Make bread. You probably have the ingredients, but don’t worry – there are fancy variants which require a trip to the big shop.
  9. Cut the loose threads from your towels.
  10. Dig out stashes of foreign currency and organise by country. Store with matching plug adaptors. Thank me later.
  11. Gather all of your notebooks in one place. Glory in their abundance.
  12. Make playlists suitable for specific occasions, e.g.:
    1. Workout
    1. Summer barbecue
    1. Misty, atmospheric morning in November
    1. Apocalypse
    1. Walking to a coffee shop to meet an old friend. You aren’t sure about this. You’ve both changed so much. Do you still have anything in common? The contrast between rose-tinted memory and lined, middle-aged reality will force you to reckon with your own decay.
    1. Christmas party
  13. Test all your pens and throw away the ones that don’t work. Yes, now. No, it won’t start working again if you lick it. Do you even know where it’s been?
  14. Measure your inside leg. It’s time to stop guessing.

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